My friends from high school and I have this little giggle about my life. They always say I was going to be the first to get married and have lots of babies. If you know me, you know that this was at the top of my bucket list. Of course I wanted to go to school, and I have a passion to become a teacher, but my first top two items of my "to do list" was to get married and have babies.
Now it took me a couple years after high school before I knew I was ready to marry my best friend, my high school sweetheart. I knew in high school E was who I was going to marry and have this fantastic un-perfect, perfect family with. We were engaged May of 2009, married January 1, 2010, and by our first year of marriage I told E I was ready to start our family.
Of course E was a bit worried and not completely on board. We still hadn't "hit the fleet" and we knew that there would be a deployment coming up once we did. But none of that mattered to me. I just wanted a baby. I always just wanted a baby. We began "not, not trying" January of 2011. By that I mean we stopped being careful and was just putting it in God's hands. In my mind I thought for sure we would get pregnant pretty quick. I had never been on BC so it wasn't as if my body needed to clean itself out of that. I was turning 21 that year. I was young and healthy.
But month after month AF came and went. It wasn't until August of 2011 I started to "try, try." I started taking my temperature in the mornings. I was tracking my cycle on an app on my phone. I eating healthier. I was doing everything right (well at least I thought so). I didn't understand why I wasn't getting the one thing I wanted when everyone around me was on baby number 2, 3, or 4. It just wasn't fair.
By that month E started his pre-deployment training. He was away for all of September. Then once October hit he was home a week gone for two weeks. So this started to make things even more difficult to get pregnant. I had gone to my doctor there at the base hospital and they weren't concerned, but they weren't willing to run any tests to figure out any issues until we'd been trying for 2 years. That was annoying and heartbreaking in itself.
In November of 2011 my sister found out she was expecting her first baby. That killed me. It wasn't fair. I hated her, and I was so jealous. I was angry with God and I didn't understand why. That was when my life went dark, and I became a bitter person.
For the beginning of 2012 E was doing that one-two weeks home, two weeks gone. Some months it was "perfect" timing, and other months it just wasn't helpful. My sister had baby Matthew in August and I fell in love with him instantly through photos of course. I wasn't able to come to Texas for the birth because E was deploying the next month. Sister and Matthew came the first week of September and he was only a month old. It was so fun getting to enjoy and meet him for that week. Watching E with him melt/broke my heart.
The second weekend of September I had to say goodbye "see you later" to E as he sailed off on his long "fishing trip" (that's what I called it). So TTC for baby was definitely put on hold.
In February 2013 my sister found out she was expecting baby number 2. That was just annoying. I still wanted just one baby and I wasn't even able to try for my baby, yet she was starting her pregnancy with number 2. I was bitter for the first few months but then we found out she was having a girl and I was ecstatic. She gave me my first nephew and now she was giving me my first niece. At that point I decided I would just spoil her kids since I wasn't having any of my own. (I had said earlier that I hated her, I don't hate my sister. I love her and I'm blessed to have her and those kids in my life).
Then E came home from deployment and he was more then ready to start TTC for our baby. Before he was just going through the motions for me because it was what I wanted. Of course if we had gotten pregnant he would have been happy but it wasn't killing him like it was killing me. It killed him to see me so unhappy though. But after 3 months and AF still coming I was annoyed and heartbroken. I could see that it bugged him as well even though he wouldn't say anything. At the end of July he said that he thought it would be best to just put TTC on hold for a year or so since he was getting out of the Marines in December and starting school again in January. He wanted us to get on our feet and into a routine. I was sad about that but I was also tried of being sad every time AF came and went.
The weekend of August 24th I was out in town with a friend and her daughter. I had been feeling funny for a couple of days and wanting to eat items I normally wouldn't eat. We went to this restaurant that is one of my favorites and I ordered a hamburger smothered in chili. It was the yummiest thing in the world. (now I don't think I would eat that today lol)
August 27th I was on my day off. I had woken up and I was feeling very flu like. I couldn't figure out why I had zero energy and why I just wanted to sleep and felt like I would throw up if I ate. I decided that since I had a pregnancy test in my bathroom I would just take it to rule that out and just get rid of the test. I didn't think I would see what I saw when I sat it down and looked at it.
I sat there stunned. In shock. I couldn't move. The only thing I did was say out loud "oh shit." I can still remember how I felt when I was looking at this, that day. I knew it was wrong. So I stole a test from my friend who was living with us at the time.
At that point I had lost my mind. I couldn't breathe. I texted that friend first (I'm so mad I didn't screenshot the text). I sent her a picture of the tests and below them I said OMG OMG OMG.
I told two other close friends and the three of them freaked out with me. When one got off work we headed to the hospital to confirm it with a blood test. I was still not fully believing it. So while we were waiting for the results I was preparing myself for the doctor to tell me that I had two false positives. When he finally came (we waited a good 3 hours) His words were "yep you are definitely pregnant. I'd say about 6 weeks."
By the time I got home it was past 9pm and E was already in bed asleep. I had debated telling him that night or wait until the next morning. I couldn't wait because I was so shocked, excited, and scared. I woke him up and told him. He just looked at me and said "really?" and then rolled back over and went back to sleep. I laugh about it now haha, but that night was wasn't impressed with his reaction. But the next morning as we were sitting on the beach I could tell he was pretty excited. Nervous since we would be starting a new chapter in just a few months, but still excited. I think he just needed to process it, or I should have just waited until the morning haha.
I am sorry this was such a long post but there was just alot of information I felt was needed to get to August 27th!
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